The Magic

Few minutes back only i wrote my last blog and here i am writing again. I don't know how many of us watch 'Jhalak Dikhla Ja'... But was i saw right now was truly amazing and this was entirely God's way of making things settle in my mind. I saw the performance of Sonia ( the choreographer) and Baichung Bhutia on 'Bas Ek Pal'. The performance portrayed a girl going through this innate pain and his partner trying to rescue her from all the pain and suffering. The dance was amazing. A clear cut expression of feelings and the pain and assurance all mixed up... I am feeling much at peace after watching it... Hats off to the couple...
I wish i upload the video someday

And here is the video

THIS IS ME, THIS IS ME AND THIS IS ME…. I CAN’T HELP IT…..

I KNOW MYSELF THE BEST, AND THIS IS PLAIN REALITY AND NOT MY MISCONCEPTION… THIS IS THE WAY I AM, AND THIS IS THE WAY I WANT TO BE… ALL THE SELFISHNESS AROUND DID NOT CHANGE ME IN THE PAST, WHAT THE HECK WILL IT DO NOW??? BUT ALL I WANT IS A LITTLE PEACE IN MY LIFE AND CONTENTMENT FROM WITHIN.

I am tired of my insecurities, I am tired to see my bestest friends putting someone else on their priority list when it was me who clearly stood by them all this time….. I am tired of being irritated with people whom I love the most….

Sometimes mind gets bombarded with questions to which you have no answers at all. How many times should I introspect myself? How many times should I look at my past and compare the present Me to what I was???

I don’t know what all I am writing today but I just want to write. I have always heard that expectations hurt, they indeed do, but you expect only from those whom you love… Then what’s the point in getting hurt? I hate not being the centre of someone else’s World. I have done this trillion times and doing it again now… Cutting myself from everyone just because I want to know what lies inside me. My thoughts, my actions, what really do I want? Reading people’s blogs today is bringing tears to my eyes. Earlier this feeling was not so swelled up. I feel like going out in open in the midnight and cry my lungs out. For what, even I don’t know. My life is not so bad either, neither the troubles are so much. Atleast I am far blessed than the person who is sitting on the streets and contemplating whether he can afford tonight’s meal. Why am I wasting this so precious life All Mighty has given me???

I am sick of making people irritated out of me. I hate being thinking about my so close people all the time when I get nothing in return. I get tired man…. So much to think about but still landing up nowhere.

Friends ask me not to think so much, not to take everything at heart, not to be blunt, not to care about everything …. But this is the way I am, I can’t help it. I might be the biggest Bitch to someone but my heart also does cry when I see my loved ones going far away…

If I am good, I am bad too, I know it all…. BUT ALL I WANT IS MY PLACE AND NOT MY SPACE…. It makes me think you all don’t care.

Damm, I don’t know what I have written and I don’t even care. For sometime I don’t want to think about anything, ANYTHING AT ALL…. Just want to spend some time with people less taken care off, with nature, with everything beautiful that God has created, all the small and simple stuff. Because outside the World is crazy and the people are nothing more than selfish. But the worst part is that somewhere I still care for my people, no matter how they are….

This is gonna be my worst blog ever…. :(

Imbecilic CHAP

Day to day happenings in life to an extent leave a mark on my mind. Thanks to my observing powers, I notice people quite often and draw my regular lessons out of them. Like my earlier post, the following post is also going to narrate an incident which happened yesterday itself.

Went to KFC around 4pm. Friend was in the queue to place the order and I was standing at one end of those queues. I noticed a couple standing near the counter to place an order. A Sardarji approximately of 50 years or so and his wife. She didn’t quiet look like a Sikh though but anyways who bothers as far as they are happy. (Keep these religious customs of caste, creed out of my vicinity please!!!) I noticed something very cute between them. They were aphonic. And thus were expressing their thoughts through chironomy. An elderly couple sharing their thoughts like that brought a smile on my face rather than a feeling of ruth for them. All I can say is that the entire tableau was very adorable.

My eyes suddenly rested on the guy who was standing on the other side of the counter to take their order. He was literally laughing on seeing them. (The height of human audacity) The couple was either quite engrossed in themselves or were ignoring the guy probably, I could not make that out. All my attention shifted to that idiot guy. On noticing that I was observing him, he started looking at me and passed a smile thinking that I would pair with him and maybe we both would jointly laugh on the couple. I ignored it a few times but his eyes again and again rested on me with an intention to join the fun no matter how much I tried to block my vision for him.

My patience evaporated and that very moment I felt like slapping that guy. But as the couple was still standing at the counter to place their order, maybe insulting the guy right then and there would have hurt them to an extent knowing that they were being made fun off.

Went upstairs to have my meal. This thought was in my mind for 10 minutes but my conversation shifted off to a topic and I forgot all that happened downstairs. It was like completely out of my mind.

At night, before going off to sleep, that incident again came in my mind and along with that the regret that I again could not do a thing. Insulting the guy at KFC maybe would have brought embarrassment to him or he could have learnt a lesson right there. But again……. I am such an idiot I know. All things in my head, such thoughts but when it’s time for execution, don’t know what happens. Hope I don’t repeat my mistake the third time now…