A DEPLORABLE GLITCH

I pick up my Times Of India everyday. All I find on page 3 is When, Who and By Whom a girl was raped, murdered, assaulted or eve teased… ( Though ‘BY WHOM’ should be the most integral part of the above statement but most of the times it’s the ‘BY WHOM’ only who slips from the hands of our very own Law Guardians). The Fourth Estate fulfills their duty by putting across news like that otherwise it does not take time to hide such incidents under covers. And this has happened on so many occasions. On so many occasions the Protectors of Law have themselves crossed their dogmas and committed such heinous crimes.
Anyways the issue here is not this. All what I wonder is We, the general public when come across such news, how do we feel like? Agitated, Mortified, Choleric??? But what do we do about it? NOTHING. Some protests, candle march, and after few weeks the report vanishes off right in front of us.

Phew………. Like any other girl, I feel a bit scared when I think that something like this might happen to me or maybe anyone in my family. Afterall how safe is Delhi, we all know it… The very thought once came to my Dad’s mind and maybe that’s why when I was only 5 year old, he sent me to my self defense classes. At that time I did not realize its worth but now I am so much at peace when I think that yes, maybe to a particular stand, I can take care of myself… And another thought that used to cross my mind was that maybe if some incident like this happens in front of me and if by chance a girl needs me, I wont even think twice whether to help her or not. I would just simply do it…. NO MATTER WHAT. This confidence of mine broke a week back when this happened….
It was 9:30 am and I was in car with my friend going to my office. A red scooty caught my attention and the girl too was wearing a red top (with a red helmet)… Such matching people do, was smiling to myself while watching her….. Suddenly what I see is that a guy on bike, probably 24 – 27 year old comes so close to her scooty and start interacting with her. Constantly looking at her, passing comments, his bike being just 5 inches away from her scooty. The girl did not respond at all. I saw them for about 5 seconds and pointed the scene to my friend who was driving. He saw them and said that the scooty’s tyre is wobbling so maybe he is pointing that out. I remained still but kept my gaze on them when suddenly a roundabout came. We people had to take a right while the girl took a left, and along with her that biker too. I and my friend both saw them taking the turn and it was clearly visible that the biker was harassing her somewhat by passing lewd comments which she was ignoring. All I said to my friend was ‘ lets go behind them please, he is troubling her’. And my friend just remained so numb to my statement and off course he never took that turn and we went on our way. Don’t know what stopped him???
I was feeling like a wimp. After all that I thought I could do, after being so equipped with everything, I still could not save that girl. God knows what happened after that. Don’t have any clue what the result of all of it was. How did it end, did he finally leave her, how long was he behind her, did anyone intruded them or not??? So many questions in my mind but all what my conscience tells me that I was a f****** coward at that time.
This incident is haunting me from the time I left them. Not a single day pass when I don’t think about that girl. We can just speak afterall about our guts, our courage, grit etc etc etc. But how many us actually try to stop it??? WE JUST READ, WE SEE , WE IGNORE, WE FORGET, We do every damm nonsense but not what is required.
I feel ashamed that I could not use my abilities for someone else’s protection. I hope this tormenting thought leaves me eventually which I know it won’t. I am sorry All Mighty. I am sorry Dad. But most of all I am sorry to that red top, red scooty, red helmet girl whose name I would never know and whose thought would NEVER go…

BORING BORING BORING :(

I was so so so excited after writing my first post here that i wanted to do this again and again. Ans so finally i am writing again. Well am happy that most of my friends are enjoying their internships but why does my internship sucks??? It actually is so boring to go to office each and every day and you just do nothing. NOTHING AT ALL. I thought people always wanted to run away from work but as i am not one of them, here i am craving for work. So many issues are cropping out in this internship.

• Firstly the profile offered was completely different from what we are doing now



• My business head is not so strict but taunts indirectly always.... Huh..... The work he wants us to do, i cant do that only... Shit i m a BFIA.... How can i do it??? :(



• Thirdly there are no intetresting people around. Though i do have my friend with me here, but at the end of it he's bored seeing my face everyday and vice versa



• The worst part of it all - when my mom and dad ask me about the status of my internship, i got to manage a smile and say ' mom i am enjoying a lot'..... otherwise i would be flooded with questions.... WHAT, WHY WHY WHY........... oooofffff

I hate going to office everyday.I wish i could just be at home and sleep and sleep. Every morning when i am on the way to office, all that comes to my mind is that why not to skip the office today. The thought of it also is soo tormenting i cant tell. I crave for the weekend like anything. And yipeee its the weekend tomorrow....

But again Monday would come and again that long week of training with those GUYS ( oh did i forget to mention? I am the only girl among my peer mates who are their of training, rest all are boys.... And trust me all SMARY GUYS (pun intended).... So you see, how tough it is...... Phew........

But who cares, i am off for shopping tomorrow........ Wooohooooo

Dismayed Thoughts

Life's has been a bit of experience for me from past 4 years. Before that there was nothing in my life that was missing. A caring family, great friends, self contentment. It was everything an individual ever wanted. It was everything a 17 year old girl wanted. But life can never be complete without its twists and turns. One turn after another and i saw myself losing out to this World. The innocence, the faith, love, care, everything. Gradually going away, taking its new shape. Friends kept coming and going. I was so pre occupied with the situations that never got time to contemplate where i am heading towards. And now 4 years late, when i see myself, I cant see the real me. Definitely its somewhere hidden in me, afraid to come out. Or the monster in me does not want it to. Lost touch with friends, made new friends, got selfish in my own way. Hurting people, hurting myself has become something so common which i could not imagine in my life. I was good by heart. But now am not sure.
God has always bestowed his blessings on me. No matter how worse i turned, he always gave me people around me who loved and cared for me so much. And they still exist. But God has always been having his holds in teachin lessons which i so needed to learn in my life. One big blow and i was shattered from within. It was like you were in your fairy world, seeing your palace getting conquered by your enemies but still holding that conviction that you would win out of it somehow. But alas, things go out of your hands. That blow was so much that i lost my true self. And still not able to regain it. I got the lesson meant from it but have been unable to make out that why did i have to lose my innocence, my tolerance, my generosity along with it??? Did i truly learn what was meant to be? Why am i so hyper, so frusted with life now? I miss my own self. The one who had always been inside me. Things changed for godd and for bad but the belief still holds strong that i would achieve what i truly want. No matter how tough the path is.
Appologies to all my friends i left behind and for whom i could not be there when needed. I miss u all but more than that.... I MISS MYSELF